I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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