it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
