I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
