Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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