What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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