my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize