so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
