the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
