I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
