i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
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My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
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He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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