ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
