I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
