someone threw a dead crab at me
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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