i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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