How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
did i just pee glitter
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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