she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
