i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
