I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
