I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
