just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
