Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize