Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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