My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize