Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
