He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
