next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
