it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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