I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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