Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize