This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
