i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
don't judge my taste in strippers
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
