It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
