Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize