OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
What a dumb baby whore.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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