all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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