I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
