it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
