Can Purell be used as lube?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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