it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Randomize
