And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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