Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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