i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
