I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
