you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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