if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
