Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
