it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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