I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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