oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
