he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
