im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
my poor anus
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
