Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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