just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Randomize
