ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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