She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
