I can text with my tongue
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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