Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
