I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
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