fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
i think i just lost a toe
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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