If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
