Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
