My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Randomize
