So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
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hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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